I dont want to feel as a victim

First of all Excuse my language i just want to take this out of my chest. Ive been in the edge of throwing it all out for almost a decade now and in only 25.

My father was absent the first half of my life and my mom was an abbusive drug addict. At the age of 15 my "friends from childhood" jumped on me without a reason and flew out of the country so i was left broken and without an explanation. Now 10 years later i am not able to maintain any kind of relation. And my mom is a zombie and i feel she doesnt deserve my help.

I feel this is all so unfair and my head comes up with very bizarre ideas. I really need help but cant afford shit.