Got drunk in front of newly sober husband

Husband and I both have had problems with our drinking. He went to inpatient and now outpatient. I’m so proud of him! Unfortunately my anxiety is so much worse, I’m dealing with feelings of jealousy (he went away, is getting help, while I stayed home to take care of things and pick up the pieces) I’m still healing and angry from things that were said and done.

All that being said- I’ve always had an issue with my own drinking, I probably am an alcoholic myself, I have no problem not drinking but when it’s all fun and games I don’t know how to stop and will drink in excess.

We recently went on a trip with my work colleagues, and we like to let our hair down and have fun. Husband told me he didn’t have a problem with me having some drinks and enjoying myself with my friends/coworkers. But one night, we were all having too much fun and I blacked out and said some mean things out of buried anger.

He was angry with me for a couple days after and said some hurtful things about leaving me (huge trigger for me), and that I’m a terrible wife.

I am feeling incredibly guilty and don’t know what to do. My gut is saying to stop drinking with him, but basically this is just so hard to navigate.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and can give me some advice/truths for me to embrace.

Side note— I have started therapy, seeking out alanon groups, reading the big book and other self help books. I’m learning how to navigate this also. It’s all very fresh and I’m struggling