WIBTA for changing my name passed down from generation to generation?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Loose_Strategy

WIBTA for changing my name passed down from generation to generation?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of bullying

Original Post Apr 25, 2019

My dad's name is Bert. My grandfather is Bertram. My great grandfather is Bertrand. And the naming convention repeats ad infinitum. All sons in the family get the same name or a twist on the same name. My brother is Robert (which was controversial at the time), my uncle is Bart (likewise controversial). Those who deviate like these examples have got shit for it, but nothing too serious. This "tradition" has been going back at least a couple of centuries.

At least my brother has a normal name that isn't too uncommon like Bert. My name? Bertamo. I could go on and on, paragraph after paragraph about why I hate my name. I always have. You cannot imagine the bullying and namecalling I've got in my life.

I'm 17. Soon I'll be 18. When that happens, I'm going to change my name to something completely unrelated. I expressed as much to my parents and I guess it got through the grapevine to the rest of my paternal family and no one is happy. My dad is indifferent but is upset I don't like the name he gave me, but my grandfather is apparently so upset I'll be written out of his will. I don't know what a career fisherman is going to leave me in his will but I think I'll be okay.

The thing is that I kind of like some tradition like this going back dozens of generations. It's just this specific tradition I think is stupid. If it was something like a pendant passed down to first sons or something like that, then fine, but I have to live with my name, on display, 24/7, for my whole life. But then again this is really the only family tradition we have. My brother is married and is already brainstorming "Bert names".

WIBTA for changing my name?

UPDATE: for some more context on how big of a deal the naming convention is, I replied to another comment with more info but I'll post it here too.

Whenever a new son is born, they consult a document/family tree to see if the name is already in use by a living relative, but only going linearly up. I can't have the same name as any living father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc, or any of their children. But I can share the same name as my uncle's children because it's not going directly upwards in the family tree (it's going up, and then down in a divergent path). I have over 20 Bert cousins or children of cousins to give an idea how widespread it is.

And they do have records going back to at least the 1780s. Before that we're unsure because no one kept physical evidence. The first one was a Bertrom but the story allegedly goes it was an offshoot of Bert and the real root name is Bert. Every single son in my father's lineage is named in this convention. At a time in the early 1900s, there were a few Bertha/Berta to start a new female tradition but it never took off.

My family justifies it by being a common denominator we can all connect by. I'm actually close to relatives that diverted from our family (but kept the naming) in the late 1800s. I'm close to family who have lived abroad for generations. We all connect by this name, so I guess it works. My family's huge on "family" if it's not obvious.

FWIW it's Bear-tah-moe. My mother's Italian (hence my brother is Robert, keep in mind). On my father's side it's muttville, I don't know. Our earliest recorded ancestors were from Germany, but there's a large portion from the Netherlands, and many, many, many from Newfoundland, Canada, which I guess was English at a point? Our family is large with parts in Scandinavia, Germany, Netherlands, Switzerland, France, etc.

VERDICT: NO ASSHOLES HERE

TOP COMMENTS

star_gaurdian_carol

NAH - Why not keep it as a middle for them and change your first?

FIVE_DARRA_NO_HARRA

NTA. In fact, idgaf if no one agrees, but I think your parents are assholes for naming you Bertamo. Jesus. I'm sorry you had to deal with teasing like that. Parents who name their kids whatever they feel like with no regard for how that kid will feel carrying that name irk me.

tinyahjumma

NAH- my uncle was named Adolfo. He was born a few years before WWII. He changed it the moment he turned 18.

Update Oct 16, 2019 (8 months later)

I made a previous thread and wanted to make an update.

I turned 18 in May which also coincided with me finishing highschool the next month. I wanted to get my name change done before I began college because it would be a headache to change it in their systems (and lord knew I didn't want Bertamo to be on my degree were I to graduate).

My parents had other plans and wanted to bring me on a trip. The trip was half so my mother can go to Italy to visit some of her family and my dad bringing me to Germany and the Netherlands to visit some of his family. In the three weeks we were gone, I got to meet literally hundreds of my family members, most of them Bert or some alteration. The purpose of this trip was to get me to change my mind.

And you know what? I had a great time. It was really reflective and introspective as I got to meet some other Berts my own age and listened to their thoughts on their name. A lot of men and boys my age or around my age struggle with the name because even in Germany/NL, the name isn't common. And some of them do change their names. I met family who did just that and even some who said they regret it. I even met Bertbay who wears his name on his shoulder with pride.

The most common sentiment was it's a commonality between family members and that should be protected. Something that stood out to me was if you were to meet a Bert, anywhere in the world, chances are pretty good they belong to our family. There were stories of Berts meeting as strangers and leaving as friends and family. Everyone believed this was the most important part as it means all you need to look for is a name to know your family.

I'll be honest and say it got to me. So much so I decided to keep my name. It's nothing to be embarrassed about and truthfully? A lot of posts in the previous thread said my name was beautiful and unique and it made me think maybe it's worth holding onto. And after starting college last month, I say my name in pride. I've already made a few connections just because my name is so out there: I stand out, which is a bad thing in highschool but a good thing in college.

Thanks to everyone who gave judgment last thread and I hope my little story of closure is an interesting read.

Madison Howard

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WIBTA for changing my name passed down from generation to generation?