I ruined my relationship with my boyfriend and he left me. I feel so guilty and I my life feels useless

I met a guy online last year and he was the most wonderful guy and any women would be lucky to be with him. He was like no other man I’ve met, he opened all the doors for, gave me gifts randomly like flowers, took me out, I met his family and friends 2 months in, he moved in with me, he cooked and cleaned, he is so very handsome and charming, he wanted to be a father and when I thought I was pregnant he was so happy, he loved my body so much even all the flaws, he also had plans in his notes when he was going to propose and a timeline, he would send me properties and houses he wanted to buy with me, he would have provided financially and didn’t do the 50/50 thing. He never cheered and even deleted social media because he kept pictures of his ex and wanted to make sure there were no possibility of more. I love him so much and just an hour before he broke up with me he told me he loves me too and I am his best friend.

I want him to come back so badly but I know it won’t happen, there were a few incidents where he went against our relationship boundaries, such as lied to me. And for months I wasn’t able to fully get over those things and my confidence dropped so much I felt ugly and was terrified he was/would cheat, after he lied I kept getting scared he was lying, so many words he said felt like lies after and he hated when I questioned him and/or didn’t believe/trust him. I pushed him and right when things were starting to get better (therapy and stuff) his parents made him choose them or me. He was so upset because he didn’t want to loose them nor me but and told me he needed time to think. It was mid night and we were on a phone call and I couldn’t stand it no more waiting so I pushed him into saying yes or no and he said yes we will break up. I regret it so much, even the thought that a few days could have given him time to think it over and he chose me. I hate myself so much and I know I’ll never find someone who will make me happy like that again.