Age 25 really does feel like the deadline

I’ve been on this sub since I was 19 years old. I remember reading posts asking “At what age does it become weird / unlikely that you will ever get in a relationship”. Many of the comments would always say 25 years old and at the time I thought that was absurd. I thought 25 was way too young to give up back when I was 19, I told myself 30 seemed like more of a reasonable deadline.

But now I honestly understand why 25 is basically the point of no return. All my peers I knew growing up are getting married now and are starting families while here I am still with the mentally of a teenager, daydreaming of the day I get to finally take a girl on a cute date, maybe get lucky and get to kiss her. Even luckier and maybe lose my virginity. Someone asked me a month ago about how I lost my virginity and at what age. I hate that question more than any question a person could possibly ask me. I always feel so embarrassed knowing im still a virgin at such a late age. Im so pathetic Ive literally created a fake scenario, completely detailed that I tell people if they ever ask. I say it was in HS and she was my only gf ever and due to a “tough breakup” I “haven’t been interested in dating since”. It’s obviously not a choice for me.

Being this age is so weird, I feel optimistic and young and defeated and old at the same time. Part of me is still somewhat optimistic that I got a chance to escape FA. Im going back to school, Im hitting the gym hard, Im trying to work on my appearance and character. Then the other part of me is completely demoralized. I’ve lost out on so much time, when everyone else was having fun and enjoying teenage / early 20s dating I was sitting back wishing it was me. Im too old to be an inexperienced virgin. If I ever get to meet a girl I connect well with again she is going to wonder “why the hell is he inexperienced at such a late age, Whats wrong with him?”. The only other option is to tell her the false scenario Ive created but that is much worse.

I would do anything to be 18-19 again. So many things I would do differently. Im doing those things now but I feel like I missed the train. Thanks for letting me vent.