I hate how much having zero romantic attention impacts my mental health

this is just a vent, but maybe some of you will relate to it

I’ll be 27 next month, never had anyone romantically interested in me, haven’t even had my first kiss yet I’m just struggling so much to feel worthy of.. anything really

it’s so stupid and something I’m so ashamed to admit, but growing up ugly, growing up without any romantic attention whatsoever, has deeply altered my brain chemistry and made me feel unlovable and less than a human being at times

so it’s incredibly difficult for me to have friends who have had the opposite experience, because it’s a constant game of me comparing myself and coming up feeling very inferior compared to them, and I go down this self hatred spiral

I’m constantly asking myself, why am I not good enough? what’s so deficient about me? will I ever be enough? so far, the answer has always been no

I just want to know what I’m doing wrong, I know I’m not the prettiest, but is it really that bad? I feel like I’ve improved my looks so much, but it’s still not enough

my feelings are being hurt on a daily basis by just existing, existing with this deep shame this is the biggest thing that has effected my mental health so deeply, and I hate that so much

I hate that I give men that power, that’s another thing that makes me feel insane, and I feel like I’m never going to feel like a real person worthy of anything until I am desired in that way

my whole life Ive felt like I’m doing everything wrong, I just want to stop feeling like this, I want to know what it’s like to be loved, or even just desired, I hate that this has effected my mental health so incredibly much my entire life

I often times don’t even feel like a real person