I relapsed. I desperately need someone to talk to

I've been sober for about a year (longest amount of time since I was 16 and now I'm 25) and I broke down and drank alcohol and snorted meth.

My life has sucked so badly for so long I don't even regret it. I just feel relieved. I felt like I couldn't push through one more day. I was practically hysterical at the thought of living through one more week and that thought still sucks but it doesn't make me wanna kms anymore.

I'm confused about how to live my life now though. I don't wanna go back to doing drugs everyday. I just want to use this as a jumping board to change my life so I can be happy sober again. I want this to be a one time slip and a wake up call.