I’ve been drinking heavily for about a year. I’ve started throwing up blood and getting nosebleeds often.

I’ve faced a ton of tragedy in the past few years. The worst of it culminated all at the same time a year ago and it’s continued since. I don’t even enjoy drinking. I just can’t stop without going into horrible withdrawals and I can’t afford to get the help I need to get through them. I feel like a piece of shit every day which just makes the cycle worse. I hate myself and feel like I’m rotting.