Just found out im HIV positive.

24F. I don’t really know how to feel. I waited a month and was trying hard to just believe that it was a false positive. But turns out it wasnt. Ive been sexually active since i was 19 and probably have had over 20 sexual partners, most of which were one night stands. I definitely didnt use condoms when i should have. I think the worst thing is I really wanted to change, to stop. And i was good at controlling myself at times but i would just slip back into my promiscuous habits from time to time. Its a form of escapism when im trying to avoid the stress in my life. Thankfully i’m in therapy, and i have a couple people in my life that i can trust. I dont know when i’d tell anyone, if ever, but i just know that i have people who wont judge me.

I think i’m mostly sad because i feel like it would make it hard for me to find a partner, especially since i am a muslim and would like to marry and have kids one day. I haven’t lost hope entirely, but I’m sad to say the least.

I’ve also been struggling with my mental health for years, but decided to go to therapy about more than a month ago, which i feel like is divine timing because its the same time i found out i was at risk of HIV.

I’m currently busy working on a project that i’ve been dreaming of achieving, and i’m so close to having it done. I’m not gonna let this affect what i’ve worked so hard for, but I guess I shouldn’t overwork myself.

I just found out today. I haven’t started on medication because I’m worried about the side effects affecting my focus and performance to completing my project