this shit is hell

i thought i would've had it under control like all the drugs ive done before.. but its so easy to abuse it every single day and have no one suspect that you're high. i used to only do it during the night, and when id run out i waited for a few weeks to use again. now it's daily and i need to take my kit with me when i go out (credit card, pill and razor cus i snort) and do it secretly in public or my friends washrooms. no one would want to hangout with me if they knew about this so i cant tell anyone also cus im just so ashamed.

my friends and parents thinks ive been clean because ive been going to addiction therapy but in reality i was using during that time too and lying to my therapist and everyone around me. ive recently just quit therapy as well.

i used to never consider it an addiction because i had enough self control in the past with other drugs. a few days ago my dealer stopped replying and yesterday i had the worst withdrawals of my life. i finally consider it as an addiction now. my dealer responded and i just couldnt help myself. this shit is hell.