AA being pushed on me makes me so uncomfortable.

Don't get me wrong i dont hate AA and the many lives its saved for the people it has worked for-I hate AA for ME. And right now I'm having some really big emotions about it- I feel as if I'm being pushed into a cult by people who actually don't understand the inner workings of said cult while telling me this is the only means to salvation. A very dramatic metaphor but that's what it makes it feel like when people without this experience push it. And it seems to me that it's the one of the only tangible result to show my improvement. I go but it never feels like I go for me and often I feel so uncomfortable in meetings like my skin is crawling. I don't know why I have such an adverse reaction but hearing about it makes me just feel uncomfortable and honestly sometimes feels harmful to my sobriety to be so pushed into a group that i don't believe in. Even having AA people reach out to me it all feels conditional when I wish these connections could exist without this looming pressure to adhere to AA's practices. The people in AA I know jump through mental hoops to have it make sense when i question it and it makes me feel really- I don't know alot of ways.

I came out to my family/friends/work about how bad my drinking has gotten in June. And funny thing is I work in addiction and have for a while and FAR extend any of my inner circles knowledge on addiction, not even comparable. With the job and quite frankly freaking living through it. I have explained many times that I don't like it and exactly why. But there's constant reference and some pressure to attend meetings and its psychologically daunting while dealing with this big mountain that is addiction- one of the harder circumstances in life for anyone to go through.

The pressure to dedicate myself to this group and adhere makes me feel very dishonest with myself and we all know that addiction leads to being dishonest with yourself and others to protect it already. The shame wrapped into AA and their mantras goes against everything I know which is solution based and celebrating victories as opposed to living in that shame. Mental health, predisposition and life experiences led me to addiction and im not a flawed or bad person. I'm someone who got caught up in a bad circumstance. I take accountability for my actions in a way that fits me but still want to protect my peace and healing. I just feel torn because no matter how many times I express this it just circles back.

I just want to vent and see if anyone feels similarly. It's just the first example into recovery you see everywhere- AA is a household name so its everyone's go to.

Edit: I want to mention one thing I do like is the shared experiences- but I want those to still exist without having to participate in this group