Japanese old and unknown book

Hey, I was reading some translations of japanese books a few years back, and I remember seeing a mention about a book written by an author who committed suicide some time after. I remember it had the word etude and twenty but I can't seem to remember in what order, and I also remember the book was pretty old, 19 something, and I couldn't seem to find it anywhere. I'm going to read the book again and see if I can find the mention today, but I was wondering if you guys could help, maybe even tell me a place I can find the book nowadays. The book I found that mention on was Ichigo doumei I believe, I will come back after I re read it to confirm and all that. Thanks in advance! Edit: it was "Hatachi no Etude" or "Etude in being 20" and the link to finding it is in the comments. Thanks.