Mom Guilt — Working Mom / Grieving Mom Brain

I have adhd brain and can not make myself sit down to play with my toddler and be in the moment i feel the need to be doing othet things that need done or i find myself in my head spaced out if im just sitting trying to play. My therapist last year helped me realize it is the same cycle pattern my mom did with me/ she took me on the go a lot to spend time doing what she loved (thrifting, working her entrepreneurial jobs) but never really quality one on one as kid.

she self plays alot and has more screen time than I’d like her to have while I work from home — and I have since she was 2, shes now 4.5. i have so much guilt for not being abel to tap.into my own child self to play the way she needs me to. i have to work to pay bills but some days i want to just that mom who can be cared for financially to be 100% dedicated to her and her needs- her dad works a 9-5 too and we are barely paying bills as it is while i kick off my career in real estate — my goal is to be financially free and build wealth for our family and her one day… my brain is wired to want to build this and be an entrepreneur even if i was being cared for financially.

(i want to home school an know i likley dont have what it takes) i feel selfish for working and not being 100% there for her all day.

I recognize im not perfect and want to be better because i also SEE time slipping away from me. Im terrified of losing these days of her innocence and tiny self.

Also I should note she goes to a pre k class for 3.5 hours 5 days a week. I try to cram in what I can it isn’t enough time for what I need to get done but it helps for sure.

My mom passed three years ago and ive been in a fog most of my daughters life some weeks / months are better than others but overall i see my temper fuse be shorter than i ever thought it could be with the daughter i wanted and brought into life.

Dont get me wrong we have an amazingly strong bond and relationship we do go places together and we value the family trips we take together, we’ve incorporated story time at the library weekly,

Maybe im over thinking it. Probably being harsher than i should — but i see that im losing this precious time and she’s so deserving of a mom i dreamt id be for her.

Help? Advice? Am I awful? How can I do better for my baby- and provide? Do I need help (therapy?)